


Not a Lost Boy

by Isilweth



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Season/Series 05A, Post-Underworld (Once Upon a Time), The Jolly Roger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:53:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5421206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilweth/pseuds/Isilweth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam 2.0 just wants to belong. Can Tink help him find his way home?</p><p>Set post-Underworld.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey there, little button." He saw Sister Tinkerbell smiling at him, but continued undoing his top shirt buttons. They just felt so tight on his neck. "It'll be fun." He wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of his cooperation. Besides, "Why can’t I just stay here?" He made sure she saw his deepest frown so she’d know he meant business.

He looked over to the Lost Boys from Neverland. They weren't like him. They didn’t know Storybrooke like he did. They weren’t a part of the first curse; they were new, and rough. When they all went back to the Enchanted Forest, they had stayed with Sister Astrid, while Mother Superior had assigned him to Sister Tinkerbell. Sister Tink claimed she could help him. Yeah, right. She wasn’t as bad as Sister Astrid, with her bubbliness. Tink knew how to fight, and could climb, and make rope, and notch arrows. Still, he did not want to go; it was a matter of principle. “It won’t be fun.”

"You won’t know unless you try it," she insisted. "And, if you don't, at least you'll meet new people." She smiled that Tink smile that crinkled her nose, and made her eyes sparkle. He hated that smile. He never could resist it. It was especially irritating because she knew; she knew how much he hated the stupid Lost Boys who didn’t remember their parents and didn’t care. He wished he could not remember. Like it was when they were cursed the first time. He was happy, then. Not remembering. Not knowing what he was missing. Now, he just longed for home. It was awful.

"Liam, please. For me." He sighed, “‘kay.” Slowly, he trudged into line, and one of the Lost Boys - Jacob - punched him on the arm. In response, Liam glared at Tink. She had to know he put up with this for her, right?

Sister Astrid had organized some stupid field trip to a boat on the docks. Apparently, her dwarf friend from Miner’s Day had a boat. Liam didn’t think dwarves had boats, but whatever… The walk to the waterfront passed without further incident. The Lost Boys let him be, and Tink smiled at him.  They were led down the planks to a small ketch. It didn’t look all that impressive, especially with Captain Hook’s brig so near. Sister Astrid seemed impressed, though. She was looking at the little boat with awe.

"Hey, ho!" the dwarf - Leroy, Liam remembered - rushed over to greet them. He was grinning at Astrid. She blushed, and Liam heard Tinkerbell let out a surprised “Oh!” beside him. He suddenly remembered that she didn’t remember Miner’s Day. She didn’t know that Leroy had saved them all from having nowhere to go. Like the Lost Boys, Sister Tinkerbell came from Neverland. Sometimes, he forgot she was one of them. Suddenly, he felt very alone.

“Look, there’s Henry.” Sister Tink urged him onto the boat, and Henry lumbered up beside her. “Hi, Henry!” Tinkerbell gave the boy a warm hug.

“Hey, Tink! It’s good to see you. I’m here to help.” Liam felt his jaw twitch, so he put on a fake smile. He was made of stronger stuff. He would show him. Henry had been in Neverland. He knew all the Lost Boys. He knew Sister Tink. Now, he was fresh from his trip to the Underworld to find Captain Hook. He wanted to help. Sure... whatever help meant.

Tink was pushing him toward Henry. Before he knew it, Henry threw a friendly arm around his shoulder. It felt nice. Not mean. Not like the Lost Boys with their jabs. Liam remembered that Henry had escaped them. That’s what he heard anyway. He didn't shrug off the arm. "Hi," he offered.

"Hi,” Henry smiled. “Look, would you like to see how the rigging works?" Liam shrugged, and looked at Sister Tink. She was smiling her mysterious smile - the one that said her fairy senses were tingling. Maybe, it would be okay. He followed Henry to a small mast.

"So, what's your story?"

"What?"

"Everyone has a story. You're not a lost boy, so what's your story?" Liam knew Henry had broken the Curse. He knew he was the Author, and that somehow he thought they were all fairytale characters. The problem was, Liam wasn't a part of any story that he had ever heard. "I don't know. I'm just a boy." Henry cocked his head to the side, and Liam felt his gaze consider him. He squirmed, uncomfortable. This wasn’t okay.

"Hmm... Then we'll have to figure it out. Your family could be here. We'll have to find them." Liam was annoyed. He knew his family wasn't here. His father was in the old world. He'd told him they had to leave home, then he'd disappeared in the night. Liam hadn't ever seen him since, not in the Enchanted Forest, and not in Storybrooke. He didn't have any other family. Henry may be famous, but he was making assumptions. Wrong assumptions.

"They don't exist, so don't bother trying." He glared at the older boy, with his two moms, and his adventures, and so much family he couldn't possibly use them all. Multiple grandparents, and almost-step-siblings, and baby uncles - how could one kid be so lucky. Liam huffed and pushed past Henry to the railing. He really didn't want to be on this ship. Not now, not ever. It wasn't fun. His stomach heaved, and Liam found himself retching over the side of the boat. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

Henry rubbed his back. It helped. He felt better. Not okay. "Woah. Okay, there? Ever been on the water before?" Liam arched an eyebrow at Henry. "What do you think?" Oh, he wanted to punch him.

"I think this is new for you." Henry didn't seem deterred. In fact, he had an arm around Liam's shoulder, again. "I'm Henry Mills," he offered as if Liam didn't know, and presented his right hand for Liam to shake. Liam glanced down at it, ignored it, and pulled himself up to his full height, back and shoulders straight. He looked up at Henry. "Liam Jones." He shrugged off the arm, and went to climb off the boat. Maybe Henry would get the hint and leave him alone.

Instead, he felt the dock sway as he heard the thump of Henry’s boots beside him. Liam stared resolutely forward, across the dock to Captain Hook’s brig. Mercifully, Henry didn’t touch him this time. They stood there. The gulls cawed. The waves lapped beneath them, rocking the dock over and over again until Liam barely felt it anymore. Salt water filled his nose, and his head felt light. The enchanted boat - blue, and white, with the yellow stripe - filled his vision, like a painting. A bright, beautiful, muted watercolor, wet and mutable, and wonderful. More gulls. Liam sighed.

He heard Henry whisper in his ear, “Want to see a real ship?” Liam’s heart soared. He bit his lip, and arched an eyebrow. Without looking at Henry, he gave a curt nod. Yes, he did want it. Right now, he wanted it more than anything. “Let’s go.” Henry walked across the docks, eyes ahead of him, not looking back. Liam followed him anyway.

It wasn’t as easy to step up onto the Jolly Roger as it had been to board the ketch. Liam had to accept Henry’s hand to help him up onto the deck. “Woah.” It was bigger than it seemed. The ketch had two masts too, but this ship seemed infinite. He looked up - the center mast went on forever into the sky. Henry leapt up to the big steering wheel. He motioned for Liam to follow him, and Liam complied. Henry smiled at him. “You know, when I was your age, my dad let me steer this ship home from New York. I didn’t know what I was doing, but he showed me ‘port’ and ‘starboard’ right here.” Henry motioned at the letters scratched out on the… tipped table thing. “I only knew him for a few days, but I miss him anyway.” Henry sighed, and Liam felt his eyes on him for the first time since they’d been on the ketch. “Do you want to try?”

Liam shrugged and stepped over to stand at the wheel. His arms barely fit across from one side to the other. It was heavier than he expected. The captain of this ship must feel it: the weight of it. The crew counting on him. Everyone needing him to know how to get them home. Everyone needing to know he was strong enough to guide them. He looked at the “P” and “S” with the zigzag line through them. They’d been there a long time; the edges had faded and smoothed what was once sharp and jagged. Liam thought maybe the Captain had felt the heavy weight of the wheel when he scratched out those letters. He looked at Henry.

His gaze was soft and welcoming. It’s okay, he reminded himself. Henry believes in all of us. He was here for the Curse. He lost his father, too. Liam tried on a smile. It felt awkward. “Come on.” Henry lifted a hatch and led him down a steep staircase. “This is the Captain’s quarters. We’re really not supposed to be in here, but I think I’ll be forgiven.” Henry laughed to himself.

It took Liam a moment to adjust to the dim light of the cabin. He had expected it to smell musty and old, but it didn’t. It smelled clean. The room was neat and organized. A table dominated the space, with a small bunk on the opposite wall. It didn’t feel lived in, it felt lonely. Lost. He gulped. He didn’t want to be here. Liam heard his father’s voice in his head, “We’re braver than we think, deep inside.”

“Look.” Henry was standing next to the windows letting in the light from outside. There were books beneath them, and Henry was holding one out to him, his fingers marking the title page. “Read it.”

Liam read, “To Captain Liam Jones, the bravest man I know, on the occasion of his commission. May the wind carry you to safe harbors, and the stars lead you home. Always your brother, Killian”. Liam ran his fingers over the inscription, his breath caught in his throat. The long-lost brothers. His brothers. They were on this boat once. He looked to Henry. He was lounging on the bunk, right at home. Liam dared to hope.

“Do you know what happened to them?”

Henry smiled. “I do. Would you like to meet Killian Jones?”

Liam couldn’t think of anything he wanted more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited to expand to multi-chapter July 2016.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Capitaine Odette for the fabulous beta!

The Black Knight led Liam to a big, dark room. There was a vanity and looking glass to the left, and directly ahead of him were double doors, but otherwise the room seemed empty. Less like a room, and more like a cave. The ceilings reached for the sky. Liam wondered how they were cleaned, and if any spiders lived up in the rafters. He looked away from the ceiling, settling for inspecting the tile at his feet. He tapped his toes, feeling the solid resistance of the floor. It was strange not to see dirt beneath his feet.

He felt a rush of cold air. “Leave him,” a woman’s voice commanded through the doors. They were open now, and she was coming toward him from what appeared to be a balcony. The sun streamed in behind her, and he shielded his eyes from the blinding light.

Once she was in front of him, he could see her more clearly, though the contours of the cavern shrouded her in shadow. Her dark hair was piled high on her head, and her gown was red and luxurious. The jewels she wore sparkled out of the darkness.

She circled him, moving slowly to his left then behind him. “Do you know why you’re here, child?”

Liam tugged at the collar of his tunic. He felt hot, and the air stifled. Like it was stuck. “No, milady.”

She swung around to face him, her face level with his. He imagined he saw fire in her eyes. “It’s ‘Your Majesty’,” she snipped.

Liam quickly corrected himself. “No, Your Majesty.” This was the Queen. He had an audience with the Queen. He felt hope fill his heart. Maybe she could help him find Father? He rushed out, “Perhaps, it’s to do with my Father. He’s missing.”

Her eyes gleamed. “Is that right? Poor child with no father to look after you.” She ran her hand down his arm. He shivered, but didn’t shrug off her hand. She misunderstood.

“No, Your Majesty. I have a father; he’s just gone. I need to find him.”

She looked away, and Liam followed her gaze to the mirror.  “Your father’s not coming back for you, boy.”

Liam shook his head. She was obviously confusing his father with someone else. “No, you’re wrong. He wouldn’t leave me!”

She turned to him again, and smiled. Her teeth gleamed and her eyes sparkled. “Of course not.” She moved her hand up to cup his chin. Liam squirmed, but she held his face. “Still, he’s gone. When he returns, you can go to him. Until then… “ she let the words linger, and Liam wondered if he were trapped, like a fly in a spider’s web. “... you can stay with me. You needn’t worry. I’ll take care of you, child.”

He could live in the castle. Liam looked into her eyes; held as he was, it wasn’t difficult. He longed to say yes. He wouldn’t be hungry, and he wouldn’t have to worry about defending the cottage all by himself. Maybe she would even teach him how to be so strong. He didn’t know why she was offering him this, but she looked sincere, like she really wanted it. It could be a grand adventure.

“I… yes… “ She released her hand, and her smile spread across her face. It seemed to lighten her whole body. Relaxed, she didn’t seem so imposing. “I mean, I can’t, Your Majesty. How will Father know where to find me?”

She snatched herself away, straightening her spine. She seemed rigid now. Like nothing could break her. She towered over him with a contained rage, seeming to simmer with some deep fire within her. It was pretty awe-inspiring; he could see why she was Queen.

He trembled, but he remembered his father’s words about fear. He took strength from them now. With a courage he didn’t know he had, he asked her, “Please, Your Majesty, let me go home so I’ll be there when Father returns.”

She turned her back on him then, and laughed; it was wild and deep, and he didn't know what was funny. “Guards!” she called, and Liam felt his stomach twist into knots. The Black Knight was behind him before he knew it, and had grabbed his arm tightly. “Release the boy.”

She let him go. He was making his way home through the woods when the purple smoke enveloped him.

 

~*****~

Henry was a liar.

Liam did not get to meet Killian Jones.

They'd gone back to Sister Tink at the ketch, and Henry had told him they'd arrange a meeting. The day had come, but no lost-brother. Instead, Mayor Mills had come to call at the convent. Liam knew she was one of Henry's moms, but if Killian wouldn't come, why couldn't Henry at least tell Liam himself?

Liam had fidgeted in his seat outside the meeting room. He had wanted to stand and pace, but hadn't let himself. He’d been desperately trying to listen to the muffled shouting through the walls. Something about a promise, and not wanting to be hurt, and how he didn't deserve it. Liam wished he could crawl under the floorboards.

He'd seen the mayor storm away from the office, slamming the door regally behind her. It had almost scared him. He hadn't seen her like that since after his father disappeared back home.

The Mayor wasn't the Queen, though. This anger had been different. More controlled, quieter, and resolute. Raw, rather than larger than life.

Mayor Mills had stopped abruptly when she saw him. She’d leaned down until her shrewd eyes were level with his. When she’d looked at him, Liam thought maybe her magic could pierce his soul. He had felt the deep pool of her pity. “I'm sorry,” she’d stated solemnly. He hadn't known what she was sorry for, but it had made him hate her, standing there with her sad eyes when she'd once been so strong.

Sister Tink had followed her out of the room, nodded to the mayor before she left, and enveloped him in one of her warm hugs. “I'm so sorry, Liam,” she’d whispered. He'd shaken his head - “Doesn't matter… ” - and had raced to his dorm to clear his thoughts. It had not been false hope. Hope was for fools, anyway. It was just a little lie from the kid who had everything. Tomorrow would be a new day.

Except on the morrow, Mother Superior had come to see him. She'd sat on his bed and told him his father hadn’t disappeared; The Evil Queen had ordered him dead. Mother Superior had kept talking then, something about regret and amends, but Liam had stopped listening. There was only one thing that mattered now.

Father was dead.

Killian didn't come and Father was dead. He was all alone for real now.

Six weeks went by in a numbed haze. He kept wondering why the world didn't stop. Everyone and everything around him just kept moving. Storybrooke kept moving; people kept living their lives. Including the Lost Boys and their stupid games.

Liam was done being pushed around; he wasn’t going to be their punching back anymore. He marched right up to Devin and socked his side. He’d see how he liked getting hit for once. The Lost Boys were all cheering for their comrade, but Liam didn't care; none of them had joined the fight. He slammed his fist hard into Devin’s shoulder, and kicked the older boy’s shin at the same time, only to feel his arm pulled tight and his head go into a vice lock. Suddenly, he was trapped and couldn't breathe. Liam immediately went very still as the boys around him all laughed.

“Say 'uncle’!” Liam tried to get the word out, but it came out choked. A rough push from Jacob and the concrete of the playground met him hard on his knees and hands. At least he could breathe again. Jacob taunted, “You will never be enough! You're just a loser, kid!” and Liam tried his best not to believe him as the boys left in a mob, apparently deciding they were done with him for now.

When their joking and jeering had faded into the distance, he checked his injuries. His knuckles and palms were bloodied on both hands, his right knee stung - the blood on his knee was showing through his jeans beneath the tear where he'd scraped it - and, his scalp felt as though it was on fire behind his ear. He hoped it was one of the sisters and not Mother Superior who was on healing duty. Mother Superior was the worst.

Then again, ever since that day with Mayor Mills, he didn't want to see much of Sister Tinkerbell either. She kept looking at him as though he was the worst lost boy in the world. She'd even tried to hug him again with awkward arms. He really didn't want her stupid ‘understanding’. He didn't want her help. Liam thought the whole realm could just leave him alone, and he'd be just fine. He'd been fine. He could be fine again. Maybe.

Liam spotted Sister Tink through the glass of the nurse's office, and turned around as fast as he could, but she caught his shoulder before he got far enough away. “Hey there, little button. What happened here?” Liam shrugged hard, and she let loose her light grip.

He could just run up to the dorms, but she smelled like a pretty flower; he didn't know which one. Something nice. Something like the flowers outside the window at home in the Enchanted Forest. He was not going to cry. “Nothing.”

“Yes, that's one I know well. Let me see what I can do about your ‘nothing’, okay?” She didn't seem to be making fun of him; her voice was her soft one, not her sarcastic one. He focused his eyes on his tracks and realized that the hallway was a mess; he'd trailed blood behind him on his way. He could kick himself. “'kay,” he sighed on a deep breath.

“Okay.” Sister Tink was gentle as she led him into the room and directed him to sit on the bed. Liam looked out out the window onto the town. The sun was bright in the sky, glowing and warm, like it thought it was okay to be happy. He scowled at it. Stupid sun. The clocktower on Main Street chimed, breaking through the quiet.

“Trust me?” he heard Sister Tink ask. What was he supposed to say to that? Liam just grunted, and hoped she'd get on with it.

She did. He felt the surge of green energy from her wand, and suddenly his body didn't hurt anymore. He felt fine, like his skin was elastic and had decided to snap back into shape after being stretched to its limit.

Time seemed to stand still. The world and everything in it would just go on like nothing had happened. Everything was just the same as it had always been. The world was stupid, and he was tired of dealing with just how stupid it was.

Liam punched the windowsill next to him as hard as he could. Again and again and again. He flung his fists until the brown of the wood was stained pink, and he could feel the lightning jolt of pain in his elbows. Someone was trying to hold his arms in place; he heard a voice from somewhere. He swung harder, and harder.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” he screamed without stopping his assault. His voiced reached that shrill stage that pierced his own head, and drowned out his other senses. “Leave me alone!” It was just him and his fury now. That's all that was left of the world. All that mattered. Broken spaces.

From somewhere, Liam heard the clocktower chime again. Time moving on while he was stuck. Stopped.

He couldn't move anymore. It was magic, he could feel it. The bright green hum of it trapping him still. To think, he once liked Sister Tink. He’d thought she wasn’t like the rest of the faeries. He'd thought maybe she'd understood. He was just so wrong about everything. Everything was wrong.

Liam just wanted to give up; Father would be so disappointed in him. He couldn't live up to his namesake: his lost-brother, Liam. The inscription in the book Henry had shown him said Liam was a Captain. A Captain. Someone who never gave up, who always found the bravery inside himself, who always found a way home. That's what Captains did.

Liam Jones, the younger, had failed. He'd lost control; his brave inner self was gone. Dead with Father. There was nothing now, but shame


End file.
